Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Does This Christmas Tree Make Me Look Fat?

Tonight my roommate and I went to "Cheap Charlies" for one of my favorite Christmas traditions. The trees were lined up like sad, wounded puppies at a pound. Charlie wasn't around, but a very surly purple-haired lady stared at us from a turqouise trailer.

"Hi!" I said to the lady, "We're here for a tree!"

She looked at me like, big duh lady, we ain't selling cocktails. She broke down the cost of the trees. "They're color-coated. These are the prices plus tax." Then she snarled, "I take cash only. I don't like messin' around with change!"

Uh, someone better start being nice or Santa might not show up with some color-corrector home hair dye.

We wandered around, looking at trees from all possible angles. I'm now an expert at scoping out hidden bare spots. The lady sat with her space heater, rolled her eyes and lit up a cigarette. It's fine with me if she wants to be a Hater, but lighting up at a tree lot? This is California. The only thing worse than owning a cigarette is smoking it in a tree lot.

We picked out two trees. One skinny and one fat. I voted for the fat one because it made me look skinny. Afterall, this is California. The only thing worse than being fat, is owning a tree that adds ten pounds.


sector9 said...

i agree with getting the fat tree! as usual, great commentary Jaynel. shoot me an email with your current address for a "holiday" card. hope all is well.


jaynel said...

Stephen! : )

I sent you an email but forgot to thank you for the artists residency contacts you sent me about a year ago. I applied to a handful and actually got some, and got good feedback from the Thank You!

I guess we haven't talked since I was in Chicago? That was a wild game! By the way, are you for Cubs or White Sox?

Anonymous said...

Hi Jaynel!
Chippy and Casey love your story. We too think that an overweight christmas tree that smokes is such a great way to feel thin! So does your christmas tree to E's and I's. Our do!
Too be continued as we read the rest of your blogs!
We love you. Keep writing ....your really good at it!
Chippy and Casey